learning to be an adult

If there is one overwhelming thing that God seems to be working on in me (and probably in us) these days, it is in the area of responsibility. It's popping up in everything... ministry, finances, lifestyle, schedules, household, and my own faith journey. Recently, it struck me that God is teaching me what it means to be a grown up. No more milk for me, I'm starting to eat meat :) This recent lesson has not been easy, in fact, it's been painful and messy.
It's difficult to identify exactly when this lesson began, not for lack of trying, but one thing is for certain, I am (we are) learning. I'm so thankful that God disciplines those he loves!


In ministry, this has meant a number of things:
-taking responsibility for the choices that I make, both good and bad, and accepting responsibility when I've failed. This happens more often that I care to admit, and frequently requires an apology. I'm not sure where I picked up the idea that I would be perfect in any area of life, but it seems that I've had to painfully learn some humility in acknowledging my own failings. I am not a perfect pastor's wife! I fail to listen, I'm quick to judge (even if I don't vocalize it), I'm frustrated when others fail to live up to my expectations, and I am far too quick to take credit for God's work when things are going well. With this comes the acknowledgement that I try to pretend that I am perfect, that I have it all together. In that lie, I deceive myself and others into believing that I don't desperately need the grace of God in my life.
-taking on more responsibility. This year the consistory at FRC asked me to oversee the children's ministry. This began in July with our first VBS - PandaMania. I was humbled by the help I received in implementing this in our church. We had 25 children attend, five of which were from our church, the other twenty were from our neighbourhood. I was encouraged by the church's commitment and work, and reminded of the importance of being a part of the body of Christ. Sunday School has been a challenge for me. I'm out of worship far too often, because of the difficulty of recruiting teachers. While I love the time that I spend with the kids, I miss being in corporate worship. Even in this though, God is at work and we have kids whose families are attending more frequently because they love Sunday School. Additionally, this fall we began a mid-week family night. Part of that is Super Hero School, where I have four boys (and one fantastic side-kick), two of the boys are from the neighbourhood. We've looked at Joseph, Rahab, Gideon, and next week is Moses. At our last meeting, after hearing a dramatized version of the story, the boys asked to take turns reading the story out of the Bible! God is at work in them!

-acknowledging that I am not directing anything. God is leading all of it, I am simply his instrument, broken as I am. Praise God that He is choosing to work in and through me to minister in His body.


In our finances:
-In the past we've made purchases today, that we would pay for tomorrow. No more! God has shown us that kind of lifestyle actual puts us in chains, keeps us up at night, and limits what we can do tomorrow. Our fulfilment comes, not in what we buy, but in whose we are. So, we are working hard to get ourselves out of the hole, in order that we might be free to do whatever He calls us to.


In our lifestyle:
-Gone are the days of kraft dinner and brown beans, we are making a serious effort at fuelling our bodies with food that is nutritious. Part of that comes through my dear friend and cousin who introduced me to a menu planning service. This means when I cook, I cook only two portions. This has resulted in both of us feeling better, and having significantly more energy to accomplish everything that needs to get done. Here's the link for the menu planning service.
-In addition to our regular 5-7km walks, I have resumed practicing yoga. This tends to be a daily reminder of my tendency to try and control things, and a joyful reminder that I need to release my imagined control. Also, it reminds me while I'm trying to maintain a steady twisting triangle, that I'm far from perfect.


In my schedule:
-While I've always been a list maker, and I delight in stroking items off my to-do list, I've needed to become more intentional about balance. I tend towards tunnel vision when I am working on a project, and so instead of fight that I am loosely scheduling days to work on women's ministry, household work, children's ministry, worship planning, etc. This means more things are being checked off the list because rather than flitting from one task to the next, I zero in on the task at hand. This too needs to be balanced with people, especially Ken, and urgent ministry tasks... so the schedule remains tentative.


In our household:
-A wise woman once said to me, "Christina, your house is a reflection of your life, both are a mess." She wasn't trying to be cruel, her words carried great truth, my physical space and my mental space are related. So, I'm listening to my mom (finally) and putting stuff away when I'm finished with it. The schedule is helping too, in that I am setting aside time to get those household chores completed. All in all, any given day, my house looks neat, even if it's not sparkling clean. :) For all of you who didn't know it, I've spent a lot of time stressing when I have company coming over... again with trying to give off the impression that I'm perfect. My apologies for presenting myself falsely.


My spiritual journey:
-Like every other area of my life, my faith has been wildly undisciplined. I've started lots of things well (see my previous post), but rarely seen anything through to completion. Recently, I've been attempting to discern what God's call is on my life. So prayer has become an integral and necessary practice. In January, we were introduced to a 10-chapters-a-day reading system. I'm grateful for the grace that has allowed me to complete day 243 (in 245) today. This has been a source of refreshment and joy for me (even in Leviticus and Numbers). I wonder how I survived on the meagre diet that I was taking in before... and again I am grateful for God's grace! It all started with a 30 day challenge. For more information about this system check out this link


So, there you have it. I would have never thought that God could work in every area of life at once, and yet I see the evidence. I pray that as He continues to prune, that my life would produce good fruit. Soli Deo Gloria!

unfinished projects

For those of you who know me well, you know very well that I start many things with gusto. I have grand dreams and great visions. I have the best of intentions. But somewhere along the way, the steam runs out. I never intend to quit (this is evidenced by my large box of craft projects that I will get back to... someday). Every book I've ever started and not finished has a book mark placed firmly between the pages where I left off, that quilted wall hanging that I started in college is neatly tucked into a bag with ALL of the supplies necessary to complete it, my wedding scrapbook looks great (in so far as it has been completed).
As I reflect on all of these great starts today, I find myself a little discouraged. I can put the projects in a box and the books on a shelf, but I have to occasionally face the fact that these well started, excellent projects are weighing me down. The hard to face truth is that I fail to finish things that I start... not everything, especially not those projects where other people are counting on me! The projects that I fail to finish are the ones that I begin for my own growth and my own joy. What is it about me completing a project for myself that causes me to fall short? Do I somehow fear that the final project won't measure up to the idealized image in my mind? Do I find myself (in the words of a friend) chasing every pretty little butterfly, not setting my heart and hands to the task before me? I think that this will take more time to think through, but for now I'm picking up one of those good for me books that I began in the summer and I am determined that I will finish it before it goes back on the shelf.
On another note, I'm really thankful that this is one of the ways that God and I are still different... the good work He began in me, He is faithful to COMPLETE. Perhaps this is one more instance where I see the need for my own transformation. He's not finished with me yet!

disappearance and new beginnings

I know that it has been a long time since I have written here. It's not for lack of desire, or time, or material. I've had something rather large that seems to have been consuming a lot of my thought time and for several reasons, I am unable to write about it here at this time. Soon perhaps, just not yet. So, if you have been checking my blog and wondering if perhaps I've quit, don't fear... soon I shall return to writing more regularly.
The new year has brought with it many exciting opportunities. I was reflecting on my job as the coordinator of women's ministry the other day, and found myself excited about upcoming projects. In March, I will be facilitating a retreat for women's ministry leaders in Ontario, in April there will be another SisterServe conference where women will serve the community of Welland together in a one-day blitz, and throughout that time a new resource that I've been developing will continue to be tested in churches across Canada. And so the year begins...
Thankfully, for me the new year has also brought greater health. This three weeks of coughing is finally beginning to draw to a close. Unfortunately, Ken and I still must sleep in separate rooms because he has contracted this nasty bug too. Hopefully in the next few days Ken will also feel better and he also will have restored health.
At church, there have been new opportunities for ministry. New relationships are established and growing, new Bible studies are beginning, and a new elder and deacon will be ordained tomorrow.
God is at work in this new year, may I (and you) continue to see Him around us.