bikers and stories

Tonight I had the unique opportunity to hang out with bikers (the real serious kind) and hear some of their stories. It was an incredible evening of seeing a God who transforms people's lives. Faith brings transformation, it brings fruit!

It strikes me that so many Christians are afraid to share there stories, and afraid to "hang their dirty laundry on a clothesline". My story is not one that will ever play well as a movie. There's no big exciting or horrific event. It's as simple as this... a girl who felt incredibly unlovable discovered that there is a God who loves her unconditionally, enough that God would send Jesus to the cross to restore a relationship that she had repeatedly broken, and today that girl lives in the freeing knowledge that she is loved, not because she's good, but because God has transformed her and set her free from her selfishness. My story is not mine, my story is that of God's redeeming work. How can I stay silent if I understand what God has done?

Faith and Friends

Ken and I have been reflecting a lot lately on the nature of faith. What is it? What is it good for? Beyond the salvific function, what does faith have to do with living each moment? I'm not sure that we've come up with any good answers yet, just more questions. If Jesus said that if we have faith the size of a mustard seed we could tell mountains to move into the sea, I must not have even that much faith because I've yet to move even a grain of sand. I suppose that my faith muscles need a little development!

This week a newly single mom asked if we would be friends with her and her son, and it left me wondering at the complexity of relationships. When we're children, we feel free to ask other children if they will be our friend. How do adults build new friendships? Not the kind of friendship that talks merely about the weather, work, or grocery prices, but the kind of friendship where people are free to be themselves, take off their masks, and say this is who I am. I'm struck by how much we adults complicate things. I think that maybe I will take a cue from this new friend and just ask, "Will you be my friend?"

summer camp

Well, the week is winding down for chaplaincy and so I wanted to post a couple of cool things that have happened this week.

Pick-up lines from Heather (maintenance chick)
Christina, can I take you out with the trash?
See all these keys? This one's the key to your heart.

On Sunday, when I arrived, I sensed a heaviness over the camp property. It felt as though a weight was placed on my shoulders. I waited until the reason came out last night in a conversation. It amazes me how God longs to bring reconciliation into all of our relationships, how God desires to transform our hearts to be quick to love and slow to grow angry, and how something as simple as praying with a brother or sister in Christ can change the entire atmosphere. Suffice to say that after a time of prayer last night this heaviness that had burdened me all week, lifted creating great opportunity for God to work last night.

A sweet, beautiful young woman taught me a lot about the nature of love, and how we need to look past all the physical traits to a person's heart. I've watched her make courageous choices and take brave steps that allow people to see her heart. May we all look past labels to the image of God that resides in each of us, loving people deeply and courageously.

Last night, after the revival service a group of teenage boys ran past yelling, "now that was a party!". I don't know if I've ever heard teenagers equate worship with a party, but... WOOHOO!

I've spent some time reflecting on the meaning of my own baptism this week and here are the summaries of the devotions that we've shared:
I choose no other Lord than the Maker of heaven and earth.
Today, I walk with Him, and He will walk with me.
I remember today, my baptism.
I recall that baptism calls me to confession and genuine repentance; that the water is like a cleansing bath for my sin-stained soul.
I remember that in baptism the old me is buried, and that I am raised to life, true Christ-filled life.
I proclaim that in baptism I am a member of the one body of Christ.
I recognize, as I recall my baptism, the weakness of my flesh and my need for the fire of the Holy Spirit.
I remind myself, as I remember my baptism, that I am a citizen of the kingdom of heaven, and no dark valley or demon may take that citizenship away from me.

That's it for today... don't want to miss any opportunity to hang out with an image bearer of the King!

justice

I've been reading and reflecting a lot lately on what it means to do justice. Several months ago, Ken and I made the switch to fair trade coffee and tea. Now, on occasion these days that means drinking a little less of it (at $10.00 a pound for coffee, the budget can only sustain so much). I just couldn't stand the thought that my consumption was doing damage to brothers and sisters around the world. Then there was the bottled water thing that I posted about before. While at that same meeting a sister from Lithuania gave me a card that has this quote on it from Mother Theresa "It is a very great poverty to decide that a child must die that you might live as you wish." WHOA!!!
That's just been the tip of the iceberg though, this calls into question everything ... where does one begin when all I've ever known is a lifestyle of capitalist consumption? how do I manage to question every purchase, every action in light of my love for my global brothers and sisters? what impact will I really have? and there I stopped. I can continue to blindly and ignorantly consume, but I'm no longer able to deny that my actions have effects on others. Last night Ken and I watched "The Age of Stupid" and I was convicted about my consumption again. So, today I went to Chapters. I looked at several books, including one called the Justice Project, and I eventually placed them all back on their shelves. It seems so ironic that I would think that the way out of consumerism is to buy another book. Perhaps this was a first step, maybe it wasn't, but "God I need your wisdom in how to proceed". Now, to shut off the computer for the night to save a little energy.

my odd reflection on a reading from "The Cloud of Unknowing"

niggling.
not sure if that's a word.
that feeling that I've got ants in my pants.
that restless, fidgety, sometimes excited, sometimes panicky feeling.
the distraction that boils just below the surface, vying for my attention and even, at times, my affection.
peace.

it's clamouring grows louder.
jostling my soul.
to-do's that call me to be a Martha instead of a Mary
worries that gnaw at my essence, chewing up and spitting out my fragile trust
dreams that tempt me into creating a back up plan should God fail to come through
endless phone calls and emails that poorly mimic the communication my soul truly desires
peace.

the noise escalates to a roar.
my ego shrieks to be crowned king and master
the judgement I fear from others beats against my soul like a boat battered by the waves of a stormy sea
my heart longs to climb out of the boat
to run, unfettered, across the turbulent sea...
and yet, I hesitate - not trusting myself, not trusting HIM.
peace. be still.

One Thing

So, it's been a while. I've never been really great at maintaining a daily journal, and lately I've found myself consumed with the stuff of everyday. I've gotten bogged down in daily details like laundry, but also in sermon writing, vacationing, visiting, and most of all pursuing (or trying to figure out how to pursue) my dream of going to seminary.
The last several months have been interesting, I've swung back and forth on the idea of ordination, and repeatedly tried to figure out which school, how, when why. The struggle has been, well, a struggle. There's no denying the call, but how do I best live out the particular call on my life. My desire has been, and continues to be to help people pursue God in their own unique way. Helping individuals and groups to hear the Spirit, and encouraging them to respond in obedience.
I’ve decided on a school – Tyndale, in Toronto, offers a Master of Divinity with an emphasis in Spiritual Formation. The program seems to fit what I want to do very well, offering in addition to the MDiv, a certificate in spiritual direction (with the completion of 500 hours of supervised directing). Just thinking about it makes me excited. The problems begin when I start asking the basic questions: when, why, how. Once more I find myself bogged down in details.
I believe that the dream/desire is a gift. Yesterday, I discovered that if I make the pursuit of that dream my focus, I have removed my focus from the ONE THING that I preached about recently. How do I balance this? What do I do?
Oh Lord, make me singular in my focus. Help me to seek your kingdom first. Develop in me a hunger and a passion for you, not merely your gifts. I trust you with my dreams and desires.

my sermon in a Cameroonian Dress

Five volunteers to “rub the lamp” making one wish
Text Psalm 27
Starting on August 10, just over two weeks from today, practicing Jews will recite this morning’s psalm twice a day for the entire month of Elul. Elul is the final month of the Hebrew calendar (like December is for us). It is a month of preparation, confession, a time to wake up, and to repent. In the church, it might be the equivalent of lent, the season when we are called to repent and turn from our sins as we prepare to celebrate Jesus death and resurrection. Elul is a time to evaluate where we have been and where we are going, particularly in our spiritual life and Psalm 27, in Jewish tradition, is used in that evaluation. This morning I invite you to look at this text through the lens of evaluating your spiritual journey and allow it to instruct you as you seek God. We will focus on three ideas from this passage: light, one, and face. Together this morning we will ask some difficult questions of ourselves using Psalm 27 as our guide.
The psalm writer begins with a simple and yet a profound statement of faith. The Lord is my light and my salvation. (light candle) 1 John 1:5 tells us that God is light; in him there is no darkness at all, and John 8:12 adds Jesus’ own clarification on the whole question of light saying “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness.” But, what does all of that mean for us?
Imagine a candle being lit in a dark windowless room, it enables us to see things that are tucked in the corners, obstacles that are in our path, but it also allows us to see things like the dust that’s collected on the table, and garbage that’s been left on the floor. God, also, does that. God reveals reality. God shows us what’s been collecting in the room of our hearts. God, through Christ and the Spirit, opens up the eyes of the heart, bringing life into focus, and finally we see clearly, without distortion. It does not all happen in one amazing illumination; often it is a gradual process because we can’t handle knowing all the ugliness in our hearts all at once. So, God’s purpose as light is that we might see reality; that we might see ourselves truly. Light reveals, and so does God.
While I was in Michigan a few weeks ago, God shed some light on a few darkened spaces of my own heart. A long time ago, I noticed that I was not a very generous person, on most days I chalk it up to being frugal or cheap, but the sad truth is that I’m stingy, miserly, and self-centered. Now most of the time I kind of shrug off the truth of my cold heart, but while meeting with Christians from around the world, God brought this darkened corner of my heart fully into the light exposing all it’s ugliness. Three days into this meeting, I met Mfan a Nigerian sister, whose name means grace of God. Within moments of making introductions she was gave me this shirt. I must tell you, I didn’t know what to do, I had no gift that I could trade with her, I wanted to tell her to keep her shirt… but I swallowed my pride, said “thank you”, and had a good cry when I got back to my room. But God wasn’t through showing me the dark corners of my heart, several days later I met Freida, a Cameroonian pastor and one of the writers of this past year’s world day of prayer service. Freida is my mind’s picture of an African Queen, and she has a smile that lights up any room. Conversation with Frieda was a real challenge because her first language is French and she speaks only very broken English, I did however spend time just sitting with her especially during worship. On the final day of the meetings, Frieda found me after closing worship and said that she had something for me. She said she would like to give me the dress that she was wearing. Tears stung my eyes immediately. Frieda gave me one of her two dresses. By sharp contrast, my own ungenerous heart looked really appalling. God shone his revealing light using these two African sisters showing me how unlike him I really am. The Lord is my light and my salvation. Have you invited God to shine his light into the dark corners of your heart? What you find won’t be easy, it might be painful, it might be ugly, but He must show you because only then can he begin to clean up the mess, reshaping the space into a heart that is more like his.
You will remember that we began this morning with five volunteers “rubbing the lamp” and being granted one wish. Now, for the sake of time, I limited the wishes to one each but I wonder how many of us might be able to think of more. I have days where I wish for all kinds of things from cooler weather, to a bottomless bank account, from patience, or safety, to more family time with my nieces and nephews. Some of my wishes are noble and honourable, and maybe even godly, but David’s writing tells us he makes one request of the Lord. He says, “One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek …and does he continue with money, power, love, fame, strength or even wisdom? No! David asks to dwell in the house of the Lord for all the days of his life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. Of all the things David could asks for… he asks to hang out with God everyday. That’s it! He wants to have a consistent relationship with God. The surrounding text tells us that David knows the benefit of seeking God first; he knows that God will protect and sustain him; he knows that God will fill him with joy and confidence. But, David does not ask for the blessings of God, he asks for God himself. While we’re asking ourselves the hard questions this morning we need to ask ourselves if there are things that we are seeking rather than God? Jesus says seek first his kingdom, are you doing that or are you busy building your own? Are you pursuing God as the one thing that you desire, the only thing that you would ask for?
Okay, it’s confession time for me. Several weeks ago I was celebrating the fact that God was doing something new in Ken’s life…rejoicing that God was challenging Ken to seek after God’s heart with renewed passion and undivided commitment, but, and here’s the horrifying truth, my celebration has turned into a sad kind of jealousy. It’s kind of like being in a long distance race when you are being left behind in the dust while the runner up ahead races off into the distance. Have you ever felt like quitting the race when you compared yourself to the people who run ahead of you? I’ve felt like the child who consumed with self-pity sits down on the sidelines of the racetrack and quits running. Maybe you too know that feeling, resigning yourself to sitting on the sidelines while other people pursue God. Maybe you explain the longing in your own heart away by telling yourself that you are too busy, that you don’t have the energy, that pursuing God is something that is best left to the professionals, the pastors, the leaders, or the religious fanatic. Maybe you’ve suppressed the longing for such a long time that you no longer recognize that gnawing feeling, and that voice calling to you has been reduced to a mere whisper. Maybe you are trying to fill that void with stuff, relationships, addictions, but deep down you know that although those things offer temporary relief, they are a poor substitute for the real thing. I can tell you that all of those “maybes” have applied to me at various times in my life, but as of right now I am tired of sitting on the sidelines, I’m tired of comparing myself to others, I’m tired of my excuses and my self-pity. With David I cry out “One thing I have asked of the Lord…. Does your heart cry out too?

The final idea I want to focus on this morning is found in verse 8. “My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek.” What does it mean to seek God’s face? What’s in a face? Look at your neighbour’s face for a moment. What do you see there? Are they happy, sad, mad, scared, bored, or indifferent? Do you see warmth and love in their eyes? Do they look annoyed? A face tells you a lot about a person, it can even tell you what they think about you. When you are seeking God’s face, you are seeking both his mind and his heart. What could be more important that? The problem for most people is that they are content to seek the hands of God, not his heart. Their prayers consist of please heal, please give, please fix… Do not misunderstand there is nothing wrong with laying your requests before God, but if all of your prayer life is a list of requests you may be seeking God’s hands and not his face. Close your eyes for a moment and just imagine that you are looking into the eyes of God. What do you see in his eyes? How does he feel about you? Silence. Does your heart tell you to seek God’s face? Perhaps if it doesn’t you might need to develop the hunger and single-minded pursuit that David demonstrates in this Psalm.
Now, if you are at all like me you may feel like you’re hitting your head against a brick wall as you continue to hear all this talk about needing to seek God. In spite of the fact that Ken’s shared with us a few ways that we can seek: confession, meditating on the word, and awareness of God’s creation, do you still find yourself wondering how to go about seeking God? Here’s the difficulty, we cannot answer that question for you. No two of us are the same, your journey and mine are different, and although we may share some similarities, your experiences have taught you some very personal things. Some of us love God best in the outdoors, celebrating that nature clearly proclaims: ”God is!” others of us seek God using our five senses in worship, pursuing God through art, and music. Some of our souls are fed through rituals, sacraments, and symbols; others of us seek God through simplicity and lengthy periods of private prayer. Some of us love and serve God through justice and standing against evil, while others of serve God by serving others. There are those of us who seek God through excitement and mystery in worship, those who focus on having the purest and deepest love for God through contemplation and those who seek God through study and doctrine. How do you seek God’s face? There is no formula for all of us seeking God, no simple steps to follow. That is a question that you must wrestle with, and your answer will be different from mine and probably different from your neighbours’. We can learn from one another and maybe even trying out new and different ways of seeking God together, but each of you have been uniquely designed to seek God and no one program, style or practice is going to work for all of us.
Gary Thomas writes in his book Sacred Pathways “We were made to love God. Think about that for a minute – we were made to love God. Like a gardener, we stand before an open plot of land. God will search heaven and earth to provide us with what we need to plant and maintain a beautiful garden of love, intimacy, and fellowship with him. Not a second of our existence passes without God thinking about how to turn our hearts toward him. Not a single second. The almost unbelievable joy is that you can enjoy a relationship with God that he will have with no one else. And God eagerly, passionately yearns for that relationship to begin. God is just as eager to love and know you as he was to know Moses, David, and Mary. You are no less precious to him than were these heroes of the faith. But each one of these saints – Moses, whom the Lord with speak with face to face; David, the man after God’s own heart: Mary who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said while her sister was cooking dinner – each of these saints spent time cultivating and growing their relationship with God. Each one made knowing God and seeking his face their chief passion, the one pursuit of their heart.”

We’ll conclude this morning’s sermon by reading the psalm once more. While I read, allow yourself to ask the hard questions, like:
Am I allowing the light of God to shine into the dark corners of my heart or am I too busy trying convincing myself and others that I’ve got it all figured out?
Am I able to make the request of David, seeking only to dwell everyday with God or are my priorities mixed up?
And, am I truly seeking the face of God? How am I uniquely designed to seek him?
The reading will end with a traditional shofar blast, one of the unique sensory ways that the people have traditionally awakened their souls to the cleansing, healing power of God. I invite you to close your eyes and just listen.

home again after plenty of plenaries and a powwow part 1

Well, it's been a whirlwind! The last week has been largely spent in plenary sessions and in work groups. Plenary sessions became kind of heavy... lengthy discussions over such seemingly insignificant items as the addition of quotation marks surrounding the word confession and whether the word "hierarchies" should be changed to "power structures". So much work to cover! One would think that over the course of two weeks we could get all of our business completed fairly easily. This was totally not the case! Saturday morning there was a mad scramble to rush through a pile of business, it's funny that when we are in a time crunch nobody is terribly concerned with wording.
A global gathering is a cool place to be during world cup. It seems during every game there are fans of both teams surrounding the televisions. As for me, I stood between Cameroonian fans and Dutch fans while the Dutch scored the game winning goal. My brothers and sisters from Cameroon were most gracious while the Dutch fans hooted and hollered.
Tuesday was a challenging day for me... Richard Twiss was the keynote speaker. His real name is Taoyate Obnajin meaning He stands with his people, and he is a member of the Rosebud Lakota/Sioux tribe. His testimony is a powerful one of encountering the living God. (I picked up his book "one church many tribes" in case you are interested in reading his story in detail). He made many points that I was and will continue to be challenged by. He shared how so often over the course of his days as a new Christian he was put under pressure to leave behind the former become a new creation... and what well-intentioned people were really saying was "leave your Indian ways behind, you have a new identity in Christ and it is not Indian." He spoke of how the Bible was used to demonize many aspects of his culture... drumming, dance, ceremonies, etc. Rather, we have imposed our cultures understanding of worship and theology to become the way that Christianity SHOULD be expressed... the right way. All of this has left me wondering, How would our worship change if we truly lived in a diverse country? If the drums of our First Nations brothers and sisters had been welcomed in the church from the first moment we landed on this soil, would our worship be richer? I certainly think that it would, there are many aspects of Native culture that feed my soul. Is there still a way to gain the blessing of that diversity in our worship? That I'm not sure of... but it certainly won't happen by sitting around waiting. So God, what's the next step? Maybe it begins with owning up to some very great sins. Sins that denied the humanity of North America's indigenous peoples. Sins that not only permitted, but actively participated in the genocide that took place in this land. Sins that denied (and continue to deny) the very gospel that we say we believe. God forgive us!

Water

I know that I haven't written in a few days, but I was in need of getting some serious sleep at night (not that I've caught up). I'll just write a couple of highlights of the last two days in addition to today because I'm afraid that I won't get to the rest of today's events otherwise.
Monday's early-morning Bible study was followed by morning worship. The worship gathering focussed on baptism and our remembrance thereof. I was especially moved by the prayer of confession that we used and so I'll share it with you here:


Lord, we are dry and brittle,
we seek other sources of refreshment,
we neglect the well-spring within us.
Flood our barren spaces and drench our souls.
You are the fountain of life;
refresh us.
You are the cleansing spring;
renew us.
You are the well from which we drink and never thirst again;
revive us. Amen.

Following the worship, I attended a workshop focussing on water justice; the way things are woven together baffle. I do believe that I will avoid bottled water. In case you are interested in why check this out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Se12y9hSOM0
Thinking about all the texts that talk about "living water" while thinking about the fact that in many places in the world potable water is not available to anyone but the rich. If I believe that the Living Water is available to all but fail to make actual drinking water available to all, am I not contradicting my understanding of the gospel which is that the gospel is about all of life, not just saving our souls. Thankfully, someone on the planning committee knew that we all needed to be able to drink water and so put stainless steel bottles in our bag.

May all the water you drink bring refreshment and let's be sure to share both kinds of water that bring life.

Let Me Live Grace-fully

Thank you, Lord,
for this season
of sun and slow motion,
of games and porch sitting,
of picnics and light green fireflies
on heavy purple evenings;
and praise for slight breezes.
It's good, God,
as the first long days of your creation.

Let this season be for me
a time of gathering together the pieces
into which by busyness has broken me.
O God, enable me now
to grow wise through reflection,
peaceful through the song of the cricket,
recreated through the laughter of play.

Most of all, Lord,
let me live easily and grace-fully for a spell,
so that I may see other souls deeply,
share in a silence unhurried,
listen to the sound of sunlight and shadows,
explore barefoot the land of forgotten dreams and shy hopes,
and find the right words to tell another who I am.

Copyright © 1981 Ted Loder, Guerillas of Grace: Prayers for the Battle (Minneapolis: Augsburg Press, 1981), p 131.

too much worship?

I woke early Sunday morning, threw on some shorts and a shirt and walked over to the dining hall to grab some breakfast. Although my ride to church was not scheduled to pick me up until 10:15, I was up by 7AM (since breakfast time only ran until 8 AM) It was very nice to have a leisurely Sunday morning after so many busy early mornings, I actually felt like I might be taking a Sabbath.
That feeling continued when Al and Allan picked up myself and 3 other delegates for worship at Madisson Square Church. Madisson Square is a very diverse Christian Reformed Church. People of every ethnicity, socio-economic status and family structure were represented. The service was warm, celebratory, and informal. Two of their female pastor's led the service. At sermon time they had a lay woman from Trinidad preaching. She was wonderful! I soon discovered the reason for the balloons on the stage when 2 adults were invited up to the front to be baptized. Prior to their immersions, each shared their story. One was a former gang member whose words I will not soon forget, "I used to serve the Latin Kings and now I serve the King of Kings." What an amazing reminder that in the midst of all this business, the church exists to go, make disciples, baptize and teach.
After worship Al and Allan took us out for lunch, a tour of the city, and finally over to tour the CRC office (It's WAY bigger than the RCA's in Grand Rapids.) Both Al and Allan worked for the CRC in church planting, and Allan continues in a denominational role with that, while Al in his retirement wrote "What does it mean to be a Christian?" He gave me a copy and I was thinking it may be a useful tool for membership classes.
Upon arriving back at Calvin's campus, we headed straight into our second worship service, this time with communion. Imagine, both sacraments in one day! It was a beautiful service where the was a dramatic enactment of the text. It was extremely moving. But even more exciting for me was before the service I met Carol. Carol has a passion for reader's theatre and story telling and has been published several times. It was a fun conversation as we shared our passion surrounding stories.
We had about 1 hour of free time after dinner, so I took a walk alone. Nice to have some time to myself... I know, but this extrovert is tired! I headed over to the chapel for a Taizé prayer service. What a perfect end to the day! I have never rested like that in a public worship service. It was restorative. It was peaceful.

So, Three worship services in one day. Is it too much? In my humble opinion, I could do that every day.

My soul is satisfied as with a rich feast, and my mouth praises you with joyful lips. -Psam 63:5

someone needs to impose time limits on speeches

We were in Bible study by 8 AM this morning. There are over 50 small Bible study groups 8-10 and ours happens to have 6 young women, an Armenian Orthodox Bishop, a senior African gentleman, and the United Church of Christ's general secretary. For 8 AM the discussion was lively and engaging. Following our hour long discussion on Eph 4:1-6 and a discussion on how we see justice and unity at work in our respective communities, we began our morning worship. I must say, all of this time in corporate worship is good for my soul. Rounding out our morning were keynote presentations by four regions on justice.
A couple of quotes that stood out
"Justice is not the same thing as charity. In the Christian community, we need to be doing both." J. Ayana McCalman, lawyer from the Caribbean
"Are we ready to make every effort to maintain the unity of God’s people so that God’s love may be known in God’s world? Or must we confess that we are often far too comfortable with things as they are and far too indifferent to women and men crying out for authentic love, for visible expressions of forgiveness and restoration, for communities of belonging marked by hope beyond hope?" Ruth Padilla, Thd Candidate, Latin America
Okay, so I loved Ruth's paper. In case you wish to read it in it's entirety, here's the link www.reformedchurches.org/docs/RuthPadilla-English.pdf
The more I hear, the more it dawns on me that the rest of the world has every right to disdain me, a Western Christian. I waste resources like water while many in the world go without potable water, I thoughtlessly consume with little regard for where products come from and what the human cost of my greed is, I support companies that have appalling treatment of their employees and little regard for who they destroy as they pad their substantial bottom lines, I do not push for better recycling practices... the list goes on and on and here I am face to face with people who's lives my greed destroys. Oh, it has a very high human cost and these brothers and sisters have every right to judge me and the society I live in.
And yet, they graciously see me as a partner who desires to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God by their sides. Increasingly, I want to tell each person I meet that "I am sorry!" I think I have some work to do in living into their gracious image of me.

On another note entirely, this afternoon there were 4 president/executive secretary speeches. They took a combined four hours. I have NEVER been so desperate for a cup of coffee. The first 3 were tolerable. The last had 75 points and he read all of them in there entirety. Moderation!!!!! Please.
The evening rounded out with a regional meeting deciding on which delegates we would like to put forward for nomination for the executive of WCRC (another 3 hours of sitting). So the final total of couch potato hours today is... drum roll please.....14. oii, I need to take a walk.

work and wcrc

The World Alliance of Reformed Churches (WARC) and the Reformed Ecumenical Council (REC) became one new body the World Communion of Reformed Churches. The day began with the dissolution of the two organizations: WARC and REC, so 2 meetings before 10 AM... this was just the beginning. There was a brief coffee break and opening worship began. I had been invited to be in the processional, so I got my ribbons and waved them while I danced my way in to the plenary hall. Although I was very uncomfortable with the whole processional idea, someone from the podium came to me after and said that I just looked so happy as I processed, it must have been my new green dress :)
After opening worship the real work began, we spent nearly 6 hours working on the constitution and bylaws of the new World Communion. One full hour of that discussion was the issue of equal representation of women at the General Council (the meeting I'm at). I'm very grateful for the men who saw this as a justice issue and spoke out to support increasing the percentage of women required from 33% to 50%. I would not classify myself as a feminist, however some of large delegations bring only one "token" woman and the larger church body does not then fully receive the gifts and perspectives of women at the table.
OOOh, also today there were greetings brought by the local native american tribal leaders. There were some extremely moving moments of confession from the World Communion. After hearing greetings, several of the WCRC leaders presented the tribal leaders with a sword and the end of the sword had been fashioned into a "plow share", but then more powerful by far was when one of the tribal leaders gave the medallion that had been in his family since they signed the peace treaty with the American government (they got it in exchange for all their land) to the WCRC. I don't think there was a dry eye in the house as we saw incredible grace come from people that we have taken advantage of since we came to these lands. We have much work to do in bringing reconciliation and healing to our own First Nations people. On that note, I've been spending some time with Mary, a First Nations pastor with the Presbyterian Church in Canada. She is a warm, gentle woman who ministers to the First Nations community in Vancouver bringing healing and working for justice.
**Tonight on my way into the dining hall, I overheard part of a conversation between two native Americans. "Yes, I know they said a lot of nice words, we'll see after this week if they mean it."
Oh God, let us not deny you by our actions. Give us wisdom and courage to work for justice on behalf of all indigenous peoples. Show us pathways of healing and reconciliation in our communities and cultures. Give us grace to do what is right.

two gifts

Sorry about the inverted writing, I don't know how to flip it. Mfan (grace of God in Nigerian) taught me about gifts today. I think over the course of my life, my gifts (particularly monetary to missions) have given me a sort of superiority complex- elevating me the giver to some lofty, vain position. Today a Nigerian sister, Mfan, gave me a shirt and the gift of humbling me. She asked if she could give me a gift and as I reflect on that she demonstrated humility rather than my typical appalling superiority complex. God, give me grace to be humble.

and the days begin to roll together

Much of the last two days has been spent with women creating a message for the Uniting General Council on justice issues that women face. It has been an interesting exercise though not always fun or even pleasant. I've cringed as different segments vie for power. I've wrestled with what the root of injustice is against people and I've struggled to wrap my head around the consensus voting model and how it will influence discussions during the General Council. So, apparently the vacation is over and the real work has begun.
The daily schedules are tight and I find that I'm not sleeping well or enough. My passion for people is consistently getting in the way of getting to bed at a reasonable hour, and sleeping in a strange (and slightly board-like) bed is never conducive to resting well. At least I thought to bring my pillow!
In spite of all of that however, I have great reasons to be grateful. I've spent considerable time over the last two days getting to know 4 women.
- MaryAnn is a South African sister who has 2 doctorates. She is funny, intelligent, and slightly distracted. She shared stories of the struggles in the Uniting Reformed Church in South Africa - from the ordination of women, to the enduring effects of apartheid. She rejoiced in meeting me an RCA sister who will be exploring what it means to live out the Belhar Confession in a North American context.
- Cecilia is a Ghanaian Canadian sister who is just beginning the ordination process in the Presbyterian Church in Canada. She is passionate and gentle, and she shared the story of her call to ordained ministry moving from running, sickness, and depression to deep peace as she submitted.
- Million is an Ethiopian sister who spent 20 years in television reporting. She is stunningly beautiful, well spoken, and deeply loves her church. Million is extremely passionate about ministering to seniors and has a commitment to servanthood that I admire. She wept as she shared how great the rewards are for serving God, even though no one around her understands, she has found great freedom and joy away from her fame, serving the elderly in her community by doing "small acts with great love."
- Mussarat is a Pakistani sister and quite possibly one of the most beautiful, elegant women I have ever seen. One of the things that strikes me about Mussarat is her deliberately slow pace of walking, without words she reminds me to enjoy the journey. She is a math teacher who is a trained psychiatrist. She gave up her practice when she got married choosing to focus on her relationship with her husband, but has taken up teaching as she feels it is a less time (and emotional energy) consuming career. Mussarat is beautiful inside and out demonstrating gentleness, compassion, and a quiet spirit. We talked about the continuing instability in Pakistan, even though the country was formed nearly 60 years ago.

There's so much more, so many more... the stories are incredible! This, however, is not the time to tell all of them. Tomorrow the Uniting General Council will begin and with it many more people will arrive. More people, with more stories to tell. May I continue to see the imago Dei in each person I meet. May the justice of recognizing another's personhood/humanity bring the redemptive and restorative light of Christ in each of our communities. May we all see people not labels.

Come to the Streets with Jesus!

And so, day 2 arrives. All too early the alarm clock begins it's wake up, I have not slept enough. Last night's heat made sleep virtually impossible and I spent most of the night tossing and turning. Not a great way to begin the first full day of this crazy adventure. I was scrambling to get ready this morning, but I had breakfast with a Bishop from a church in the Philippine's who shared with me about the many church leaders from his country, his friends, who have been killed for their faith. As I reflect on that moment now I have never felt so compelled to pray for the persecuted church. This brother's eyes welled with tears as he shared their struggle. God forgive my self-absorption, those times where I've failed to understand that your body continues to struggle throughout the world, lacking freedom and privilege that I take for granted.

Breakfast with the Bishop was followed by worship with the women's precouncil, 200 women from every region of the world worshipping in one room. A Malawian sister taught the following song, which is my life's goal, the words are "Fanana naye Yesu" simply translated this beautiful call and response implores us to "be like Jesus". Following some of the most beautiful and lively music I've ever sung (I'm convinced I heard a little piece of heaven), Calvin College's chaplain preached, and wow did she ever! I've never heard a woman preach and thought to myself I want to sound like her, but WOW! She engaged the narrative of the resurrection in powerful and creative ways and wrapped it all up by challenging us to be like Mary Magdalene and declare that the tomb is empty, regardless of results, regardless of ridicule. It's our job to proclaim the resurrection every where we go!

As the worship service wrapped up, we boarded buses for a tour of the inequity that can be seen in Grand Rapids and surrounding area. I love how our African sisters kept saying, "where is this poverty?" Our perspectives are so different. Granted, we in North America have a great disparity in the distribution of resources, and I believe that this situation will worsen as the middle class disappears, still, our poor are well off compared to the poverty that exists in other parts of the world. We lunched at a church in downtown Grand Rapids which offers a variety of services to the homeless in their community, including lunch. I was seated next to a woman who is a Lebanese elder. We had an incredible conversation about the implications of Islamic law on domestic violence and I recognize my privilege at being born and raised in a country and by parents who didn't treat me like property. She is a wonderful woman who rejoiced as she shared that the reformed churches of the middle east have formally recognized women's gifts and callings, even to all ordained offices. This wonderful warm, funny sister currently serves on the executive for the World Alliance of Reformed Churches.

The afternoon culminated in a visit to an art gallery/studio that acts as a day program for people who are homeless. I met Joe there at Heartside gallery. Joe is a saxaphone player (tenor and soprano) and a fabulous artist. He's funny, gracious, gentle, and as he gave me a personal tour through the gallery, he shared about his homelessness. As he spoke a smile always graced his lips and his dark eyes twinkled. He asked if I knew where Rice Lake was, and when I said that I did he said that he wants to go fishing there... I really hope someday he gets to.

As the day comes to a close, I spend hours talking with my room mate Barbara about her call story, and in her story I find elements of my own... a family heritage which includes an unfilled call, surprise when the call came, and the desire to run. It's been refreshing to talk with Barbara, and I think that each time I think about and talk about call it refines it a little bit more clearly.

Today ends with thoughts of empty tombs and a fierce desire to be a woman who declares it in what I think, say, and do. Fanana naye Yesu!

God's coincidences?

It's been a busy first day at the Women's Pre-Council, for the World Communion of Reformed Churches. I had no idea what I was getting myself into... I showed up at Calvin College last night, knew no one, and was quickly overwhelmed by the scope of what I was here for. I tell you, my stomach was tied in butterfly knots. On top of it I had just spent several hours shopping and was feeling a little frazzled by that whole process. (It's never a good idea to go shopping just before the clothes are needed, however I purchased enough clothing for the whole council) At least I'll look good while not knowing what I'm doing!

Monday night the first women I met were three Canadian Presbyterian women, one from Halifax, one from Sarnia, and one from Leamington... she lives on the same street and knows a family from our church. The two Ontario women will be returning home after the precouncil, so my new Leamington friend will be leaving. As I left my building, I met Dr. Soumini Jayan a woman from the Church of South India who has a plethora of letters behind her name. She is a wonderful woman who has said that I must stay with her when I visit India. She is a wise woman whose contribution to the church includes deep and meaningful involvement in social justice in her context. I sat with Soumini while she ate and she told about her lengthy journey to Grand Rapids, which included a missed connection.

After a brief introduction to the precouncil (which I was late for because I chose to remain with Soumini), we retired to our dormitories. Being June in west Michigan, the weather is hot and humid and our unairconditioned dorm was unbearably hot.
Met my suite mate tonight, a lovely pastor and pastor's wife from Pasadena. I will have to pick her brain to see how her call to ministry and their joint pastoral call have played out. Long day, little sleep, lots of nerves BUT Holland won, I've got a place to stay in India, I got some fabulous new clothes, and have had the pleasure of meeting some fabulous women from around the world.

A final thought for today...
Here am I, Lord,
I've come to do Your will.
Here am I, Lord,
in Your presence I'm still.